Panic Mode

Panic attacks. Panic attacks.

I admit to them because I know some of you have had them before. They are a waste of energy. A waste of time.

I don't know if I knew what a panic attack was until I couldn't breath right, my chest hurt, and I felt like I was ready to pass out. Walking around a park thinking about my life made me realize the fears I have held onto going away to college in the fall. I have never been far away from home for more than little over a week. I haven't even moved out of the house I took my first steps in. If you ever wanted to meet a person who truly hasn't experienced a dramatic change in life, I'm your person right here. Even on a week long trip by myself to New York, I expected to get back to the life I am familiar within a week; not four months.

But you know what I have learned amongst the blue spots I see everywhere when I am not breathing right from a panic attack?

I am going through with God's plan for my life.

No matter what.

I cannot fail at this if this is his plan for my life. And I strongly believe this has been his plan for my life since I was saved.

I was saved in the summer of my sophomore year of high school, and ever since then, I have had a desire to go into counseling to help others see the Lord amongst circumstances, whether it be what's going on in the world or in their lives. Ironically, one thing I want people to do is not to be afraid of life, and what may come because if they have hope in Christ, all else fades. Yet here I am fearing the long distance from my first home, and I am writing to say it is a daily battle of what I choose to focus on. And to give testimony to what God has done in my life thus far concerning this battle of fear.

Am I doing something the Lord wants me to do or what I want to do?

Am I focusing on what I am scared of or what I know is necessary?

What other doors is God going to open for me having walked through this door?

Are the desires that I know I have yet seen in my life going to be fulfilled by going through this door (living with other believers, being with others daily who love the Lord, having the same passion and desires, etc.) ?

I have relied on this one verse as a crutch in helping me refocus my mind on things above-- "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

I see this as my first step to not fretting about anything that concerns something in the future. Because whenever I do focus on something coming up, I flip out. My body likes to figure something out to compensate for all the fears I have cooped up inside my mind. This time around it's your classic panic attack, which I never knew about until recently. But it happened, and it's been a daily regimen of mine to talk to God straight up about my fears, journal them all down, and then finding his promises (which are always fulfilled) to calm me down.

Besides the thought of not worrying about tomorrow, I remind myself who I am living for, and what plan and purpose he has called me to live. I cannot walk away from a great plan such as college to stay in my comfort zone. I know I would regret it. In fact, I regret not starting earlier. But as the Lord has shown me, he has used me even on the detours I decided to walk down along the way of living. I remembered this one verse this morning when I was praying to the Lord about what he wanted to do with my life, and as many of you may feel the calling to minister to people around you, remember what Isaiah told the Lord when the Lord asked who he should send as his messenger.

"Here I am. Send me." (Isaiah 6:8-9)

Isaiah was brave. How brave is anyone to go off and minister? Actually not to just minister, but to go where God tells them to go? College students going off to school in the fall do not have to be going to a ministry school like mine to be considered brave, or even be studying ministry. Just going off to where God has called them is enough to be counted for. Each one of us who know Christ have been called to a mission field. Depending how far and where it is, our comfort zone can be stretched. For me, 7-8 hours away is enough. Three may have been a different story.

What I like to focus on now whenever I am having a panic attack is what God has in store for me in the future. There is no way in my opinion he is not going to bless my steps as I walk through the door in going to Northland. I have been telling people I am super excited, yet super scared. So if you could, tell God I need some courage. He told us numerous times to "be strong and courageous," and it may sound pitiful, but I am needing to take a few steps towards those verses. I strongly believe the Lord has so much good in store for me and for you if we just allow ourselves to not bind ourselves in the web of fear. For so many years I was so scared of making the wrong choice that it wasn't until recently that I realized that I wasn't making a choice at all.

First focus your attention on today, and what the Lord may want you to do. You may have to make plans for the future today, but still focus on today for those plans. Seek him through prayer and his word. Let him speak to you what he wants. Next journal fears you may carry with you through the day. Write each one down, then go to God's word for answers. If you fear for your financial stability, perhaps search engine "Bible Finances." Same with other worries. Or use the old fashion cordance in the back of your bible. Main thing is you are first seeking answers in the Bible. And that is the important thing. Seeking God for answers through his word. Speaking of, talk to others about your fears and anixety. I know it's not easy, but when you have a support system who will pray for you and give you Biblical truth, it is so refreshing because overall you being refreshed by God's word in a roundabout sort of way.

Just focus on him. What he wants you to do. And remember, to take one day at a time. That is all the Lord has told us to do regarding stepping through doors we maybe hesitant to step through. Regarding facing our fears.