Please, Please, Please

One year has passed since I have been inspired or committed to writing on a regular basis.

It's ironic considering the fact I have found writing to be a way to etch out all the happenings in my life to better understand them. And trust me, there has been a lot etch out.

Since then, I have held five different jobs. I have lost an uncle, a boy, a dream to be out on my own in Michigan with friends, a chunk of my pride, and big chunk of my ambition to please...

Pleasing people.

That has to be the hardest thing in the world. Nurses hold their bladders to make sure their patients are comfortable for the 12 hour shifts they work. Parents do not escape their concerns when they are away from their kids. And you cannot go 80 on a 55 mph road without a cop recognizing you're an endangerment to society.

We are constantly under some sort of ruling or pressure for how we should live our lives or who we should care for. We aim our arrows for where and whom we should please. The question is "who are we going to please?" And then the next one is "why?"

I decided a few years of my life based off of what others may have told me sounded right for me. The thing was I didn't go with my gut feeling. I went with what made others excited for me instead of what I had dreamed of doing from the start. For one year I suffered because of this. Not to gain any sympathy or place blame, but it was an inner battle for who I was going to please. God, myself, or others.

God is the source of all good, so why then if I was really in his will was I bitter, angry, depressed, doing things I normally wouldn't do, and not doing what I had my mind set on before I even talked to anyone about my dreams for the future.

I was naïve, I guess you can say, but I was also ignorant. I wasn't adorably going along with what others' were telling me. I was wrestling my own spirit that was parched because I was running on everyone else's momentum, but my own. I was people pleasing.

Much prayer and time went into the anxiety I felt before leaving for college, yet when I arrived there I expected it to all subside and me to love it. Instead I felt weaker than I did before so much so that it effected me physically as well as spiritually. I was lost in a world created by others, not myself.

Have you ever done that?

Lived a life for someone other than yourself. Not staying true to you, but trying to please someone.

I was mad with the first boy that broke my heart. The second time I learned to forgive and move on right away. When you do something idiotic, you look back and ask "what was I thinking?" You also have to wonder if you were staying true to who you are as a person. I know I haven't and I know I still have my slip ups time and again. Maybe the difference is I'm aware of my intentions and that calls everything into questioning before or after I do something that 'sounds alright.'

24 years of life. I am young. I will make more mistakes, but if there is one thing I am aware of and constantly fight within myself it is to get rid of my old self that wants the whole world to love and appreciate me and to move on to be the individual I am suppose to be. Even maybe making some people question my choices.

Trying to please a boy is stupid. Trying to please a friend is stupid. Trying to make yourself appealing for a particular group of people is stupid. Finding yourself and finding it in the Creator of your spirit is smart. It means digging within ourselves to discover who we are. And in turn, it should be a blessing for those around us to experience.

A dictionary has all the words we may ever wanted to know the meaning of. God is the dictionary from which every aspect of our lives past, present, and future is found. He knows the struggles we are capable of and how to override them.

He is the one to be looked at to please. The one for joy. The one to find peace.

It is not within myself. There is no good thing in me. And it's not within someone else. They'll trip you up when they tell you to do something else the next day. What is important is searching for who you are as an individual and finding what you were made to be.

Jesus said,

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27

Bring back the spirituality in Christianity.

There is a living breathing spirit in individuals who accept Christ as Savior and they listen to what he has to say. Not audibly, though it has been done before as the Bible tells, but within the state of mind and heart we find ourselves.

Something is wrong when we are angry, anxious, scared, depressed, or grieved.

Whether it is on a regular basis, an unavoidable life circumstance, or a bad choice that effects the outcome of the next day, we are more than just flesh and bones. We are spirits who have a purpose outside of what others may say or tell us to do.

We are living souls wandering this earth. And it's a beautiful thing that we can be a part of something with a great ending when we take time to meditate, pray, and ask God for guidance. It means that we have been still to know He is God, who will be exalted among the nations one day. (psalm 46:10)

Having our souls rushing one place to the next, trying to please others or trying to tackle the weariness of life's circumstances is suffocating. It breeds bitterness, resentment, regret, and shame. However, peace comes when we give up the overthinking, the negativity, and control we often find ourselves in when we do this thing called 'life.'

So don't be weary. Let Christ carry you. And find joy even in the pain of giving up yourself. Because it's when you lose yourself you find your place in this world.